Dad got out of the hospital last Saturday. They inserted catheters to drain the lungs, and the nurse comes by every couple of days to drain the bottles that the liquid goes into. By Monday he was sitting by the pool on his deck, soaking in the sun. For a moment, and I know I'm not the only sibling who feels this way, but for a moment, there's a little ...embarrassment for posting on my blog, telling my boss what's going on, telling friends, family. Maybe they'll think I was being dramatic. But, that's just it. That's cancer. It's up and down, it's a roller coaster. You just don't know, and it's not easy. It's especially not easy for my Dad. But we always have hope. Isaac tells me not to get my hopes up too much, but I always do. I thought things maybe, just maybe would turn around...
Ryan got down to FL on Wednesday and Scott on Thursday. Wednesday night was the first time he puked. Then he puked a couple of more times on Thursday and Friday. He then puked more on Saturday. He really hasn't been eating much, but just the little that he does, he has trouble keeping down. He hasn't been peeing enough, his stomach hurts really bad (that's where the cancer is growing...rapidly, I would assume), and he is still sleeping and gets tired a lot. Saturday the phone calls started pooring.. from one sibling to the next. "Is Dad going to the hospital?" Dad knew what all this meant, or what he thought it meant, because none of us are doctors. But.. his kidneys are failing. Mom said that the kidneys are the first organ to go. BUT, we've gone through kidney failure before. He's had dialysis and he has recovered!
Dad didn't want to go to the hospital all day Saturday. Mom said that he didn't want to go, because he didn't think they'd send him home.... Ryan said he just kept on holding it off. Let me eat this, let me rest, let me take this pill, let's see if this works. He sure is strong!
Sunday, Dad stilll hadn't gone in. I think Kellie pretty much told Ryan he needed to take him in. So, about 10pm FL time, Dad called me on the way in. He sounds sick and tired. Says he's lost a lot of weight too. :(
They've done some testing. His creatine levels are back up, no surprise. His potassium levels are up, and he has a UTI infection again, both being related to the kidneys. Tomorrow morning, Monday, he will have an ultrasound done on his kidneys. I'm not sure what they're looking for, but Ryan said maybe just the function. I guess we'll see.
I can't sleep. I know I have said this before, but I am not kidding when I say it's hard to let yourself go back to where you were in September. And maybe you don't understand it until you go through it, but it just can't be real this time. ..it wasn't last time... I don't know. Saturday morning, Dad, Mom, and the 5 oldest siblings went and picked out Dad's plot. (they went Friday night also, but didn't like the location as much) It's right under a big oak tree. Seems so perfect for him. You know what he said though? "What do you think Carol?" My mom said she was shocked. My parents are divorced, but deep down, I know they care for each other. Of course they do, they spent almost 30 years married and have 8 awesome :) children together. My mom put down a deposit on a spot right next to his. I can't tell you how much that means to me. Mom said she never wanted to be buried alone anyway, it's so perfect to have them together. It's perfect for us. Reality is setting in. Occasionally I'll get tearied eyed, but tonight when I talked to my dad, that's when it hit me the most. Reality. Things just aren't good. He said he'll be around for a couple more weeks. ....but that's all he said. I hate to read into things, but I couldn't help but wonder if that's all he thought.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be so long, but one more thing. Us triplets haven't been down this time yet. Man, we need too! Dad kind-of wants us to go one at a time, because he said he needs the help. If he can make it to Houston next week for some more testing, he wants one of us girls to go with him there, and then another one to go the next week. I think we'll end up being there with Todd, or crossing over. I hate waiting. I would go tomorrow, but it's Dad who keeps on saying, well, let's wait to see what this doctor says tomorrow... Houston is supposed to call him tomorrow, so that will let us know what's going on up there, and then hopefully we can book the tickets.
I told my kids they aren't allowed to move away from us. NEVER. It's too hard being far away. I hate it. I miss both my mom and dad. I miss home. There's a pit in my stomach.
Pray for my dad.
I remember this with my dad. They told us he only had a week to live. He lived 8 weeks. In that time, there were weeks where we thought that maybe there was some hope. Maybe we'd have a little longer. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's the worst part. Cancer screws with you. Just when you think all hope is lost, you get a little relief. Just enough to build hope. And something super funny happens then, too. You feel weird. Weird that it isn't happening like you told everyone it would. Weird that they haven't died- even though that's the best thing that could be, just as long as they aren't suffering.
It is a roller coaster. I'm so sorry you have to ride it. I can see the good it's doing in your family though, bringing the kids closer, and your parents closer. It's hard. It's not worth it. But there is some good that comes.
Again, we're praying for you. I can't say I know how you feel, but I can say I get a little bit of what is going on. Each situation is so different. If you ever need to talk, let me know. I'm here.
Thank you Lexi. That meant so much to me. You explained everything so perfectly. Better than I said it, but you are exactly right. It messes with you..and it's a weird thing. Sorry I never responded sooner. I read this post almost a week ago, but it still means just as much the second time I read it! Thank you!
DeleteI'll try and remember to take off those word verifications too. :)